Juicy Marbles Whole-Cut Loin Review
A deep and deranged summary of my musings on the Vegan Whole Cut Loin from Juicy Marbles. Will I want to marry it? Or will I yeet it out of my car window on a busy highway in rush hour? Read on to discover the tender truth.
Watch the entire mind-bending taste test on the Steamy Vegan YouTube channel!
**This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission if you purchase through them. Thanks for supporting my free content!**
Opening steakments – I mean, statements
When, a few years ago, I first heard about a company called Juicy Marbles, I was like ‘juicy what? Marbles? What does that mean?’ I then realized it was referring to marbles of animal fat in steaks and was like ‘ew, gross’. I then realized that Juicy Marbles created plant-based meat products like steaks and sh*t, and was like ‘woah, this can’t be real. No one’s doing that. C’est impossible!’
But possible it is, and intrigued I was. Alas, life proceeded to transpire, as it often does, and I got busy and completely forgot about their existence… Until the year 2025… when I embarked on my very own Vegan Steak Odyssey… (aka I saw Juicy Marbles pop up on my Insta feed again and was like, ‘oh yeah, beet-bleeding plant steaks. Cool, bro. Gotta get me one of those’).
Will you follow me into the deep, deranged depths of this meaty madness?
The (Surprisingly wholesome) Ingredients
Now, I have no qualms with more plant-based meats making an entry into the food chain, as our tired and falling-apart planet really needs us to stop the factory farming– however, it should go without saying that many of them are chock-full of highly processed ingredients, with a lot of fat, oil, salt and gums. While I’d still call a vegan steak healthier than a real beef steak any day (especially since they have zero cholesterol which is better for your heart health), I wouldn’t overall call popular vegan meats a ‘health food’ by any means.
HOWEVER, what’s neato about the Whole Cut Loin from Juicy Marbles is that they only use eight core ingredients, one of them being water, to make it. And soy protein, a very nutritious specimen, is the main ingredient. Compared to Beyond Meat or Impossible Foods meats which have a list of 20-or-so ingredients, including pea protein isolate, canola oil and coconut oil, it seems Marbles has a bit of an edge.
The only questionable ingredient I detect in their ingredients list is sunflower oil, which, as a seed oil, has become quite controversial these days among health foodies. While it’s a good source of heart-healthy fats and vitamin E, it’s also high in omega-6 fatty acids, which can contribute to inflammation when consumed excessively. Additionally, sunflower oil can release toxic compounds when heated to high temperatures, making it less ideal for deep frying or other high-heat applications. But, since most people probably aren’t going to deep fry their Juicy Marbles steaks, I see it as less of a risk.
Other Notable Highlights
Each serving of the Juicy Marbles Whole Cut Loin has:
- the same amount of iron and B12 as a beef steak
- 20g of plant-based protein
- a boatload of fibre
- all non-GMO ingredients
- the ability to make you question everything you know about plants
The Unboxing: Thick, Pink, and Ready to Sizzle
This thing was giving serious BDE (Big Dinner Energy)
First impressions:
- this formidable meat log was HEAVY (26.7 oz of pure plant-based insanity)
- it bleeds beet-blood, which was ultra mind-bending
- smells like it’s already cooked and seasoned, which is always better than the smell of raw meat
Overall, the Whole Cut Loin had me checking my vegan card to make sure I was still vegan after I was man-handling and slicing the bloody monstrosity into thick, honky filets.
THE CARNAGE ☝🏻😱
Cooking the Beast
Juicy Marbles suggests whispering sweet nothings to your steaks as they cook, as it will render a more steaky steak. I personally think it did wonders; in fact, I recall the meat slabs were blushing a little in the pan.
Overall, they cooked like total champs. These meaty marvels formed the most damn-near fatty crusts on the edges that I’ve ever seen in a vegan steak… which was never in my life, let’s be real. Still, for my first vegan steak rodeo, I was thoroughly impressed. Cook time was about 8 minutes total, and I think I could have even cooked them for less time than that.
I only seasoned them with a kiss of salt and pepper, then let them rest for 30 minutes before cooking. Even with such minimal seasonings the pungent, meaty aroma that filled my kitchen was exceptionally pleasing!
Taste Test: Was It Love at First Bite or… Textural Betrayal?
As soon as you pull apart the cooked steak you are forced to forget pretty much everything you know about everything. It’s got the marbles. It’s got the juice. It’s got the muscle fibre-ish texture I still can’t comprehend. It’s the most tender, melt-in-your-mouth vegan meat you’ll ever be likely to experience (until the inevitable copy-cats come around, I’m sure). It chunks like a steak, it pulls apart like brisket or pulled pork, it’s got a legitimate meaty mouthfeel.
But the taste…?
So glad you asked. It’s nothing short of delicious. It’s hard to pinpoint if it tastes more like beef, pork, or a delicious combination of the two. Whatever witchy combination of natural flavourings they use sure did the trick, ’cause this steak was an atomic bomb of flavour.
I dare say that, even if I were still a meat eater, I think the flavour of the Juicy Marbles Whole Cut Loin is preferable to a real animal steak. That might sound wild, but I’ve eaten this thing three times since writing this blog post and I can’t even remember now what a real steak tastes like… and I don’t want to. The Marbles is so good, so flavourful, so unique, but also familiar to the senses. It definitely brought me back to simpler times when I could just throw a steak in a pan, steam some veggies and call it dinner.
Would I Hit It Again?
Abso-marble-utely. While you pay a premium for this beast ($80 CAD), it can feed the whole fam-damily. Not too shabby for a high-quality steak dinner for 6.
With that being said, I would be more inclined to purchase their 2-pack of Thick Cut Filets more regularly, as they are essentially the same product as the Whole Cut Loin, but already pre-portioned into two honky filets. Makes more sense for me as I treat these steaks more as a delicacy for a special occasion or at-home date night. As much as I am smitten with the big loin, I don’t necessarily want to commit to steak dinners 3 nights in a row for the hubs and I!
Final Thoughts: The Verdict on This Plant-Based Thiccboi
So just how steamy is this offensive hunk of plant-meat? Allow me to summarize in a chart:
| Category | Rating | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| 🍑 Bootylicious Factor | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Thick, juicy, and camera-ready. No notes. |
| 🧈 Mouthfeel Madness | ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ | So tender it made me blush. Slightly uncanny in a few bites. |
| 🧂 Flavor Flirtation | ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ | Savory, satisfying—but benefits from a little extra seasoning foreplay. |
| 💸 Wallet Ouchiness | ⭐⭐⭐☆☆ | A bit of a splurge, but hey, you deserve it. |
| 🥩 Meatiness Mind-Freak | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | So close to the real thing, I had to remind myself it was plants. Twice. |
| 🔥 Sizzle & Drama | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Gave serious show-stopping vibes in the pan. Smoke show material. |
| 💃 Date-Night Worthy? | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | 100%. Just don’t tell them it’s vegan until after they’re swooning. |
There it is, folks. My Juicy Marbles Whole-Cut Loin Review! Take it with a grain of kosher salt, and honestly, just try it out for yourself. It’s 117% worth buying at least once.
If you want to try any of the fantastical plant meats from Juicy Marbles, while also supporting my work and *free* content, do consider purchasing from my affiliate link here. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours with hopefully more wild reviews like this when I can afford them. This is how I afford to feed the beast that is ‘The Brad’, AKA, my burly. beefy husband.
If you’re looking for some great plant-based protein recipes while you contemplate this meaty madness, why not check out some of my most recent recipes like my Golden Glow Tofu Bowl, Sesame Ginger Tofu, or Cilantro Lime Tofu! Plus make sure to check me out on YouTube — I have HUNDREDS of videos to give you limitless plant-based inspiration!
